Something strange is going on

Those who know me will know that I am highly spiritual and that is reflected in the provisions for my funeral. Though many will think I am strange, misguided or a nutter, I believe that my beloved wife, Liesel, who left this earth 14 years ago this December, is still with me and is caring for me.

I feel that she is guiding me in a certain way to improve my life and whilst I do not always understand what or why she is doing, I feel that she has a plan for me.

I rely heavily on my computer as I hate the telephone and I have to say that strange things seem to have been happening.

This is a screenshot from my laptop that is linked to my television and, on occasions, even though I can watch a specific programme, if I want to go onto another website, it will say that is not accessible. #

Just look at this screenshot, where my internet is not connected but it is still running a programme, such as a news channel. Believe it or not but it is not photoshopped or altered in any way. Whether you believe me is up to you.

I have to say that even if it is Liesel who is fiddling with my computer, it is bloody frustrating and makes me so angry that I shout at the screen from time to time

Physics tells you that energy cannot be destroyed, only changed into another form; that is a scientific fact.

Maybe, a body, when it dies, transfers its brain “energy” into another form. That is what I and many millions of people believe.

It is up to you to decide if I am a crank.

After all, many people speak to their god and no one blinks an eye but if you are not religious, but highly spiritual, and talk to a late loved one, you are considered to be a fruitcake. It is one rule for one group of people and another for the rest

The feminisation of society and GB News

I have just watched a segment on the Guto Hari show where a woman was touting her new book. She said continually that women were “overrun” and “talked over”. What lot of rubbish.

I have dealt with multiple solicitors of big firms and the head of all of them were women. If you just look at the news, everyone that is interviewed is the head of this or that and they are all women.

I do not doubt their competence but for this so called author to say that in this day and age, women are hard done by is crap.

The justice system, the police, the political classes. All defer to the female gender.

When will people, including GB News, who should know better, actually realise that we now live in a female biased society and have done so for decades. Men are seen as potential paedophiles and always get longer sentences than a woman who has committed the same crime.

I cannot live in such an unbalanced society; that is why I want to die

“Have your say on GB News” Bollocks. They just read out want they want to

Oh and all of the sofa is filled by women except, maybe, a presenter. So much for BALANCE

My new will

My new will has now been signed, witnessed and executed, together with the confirmation of my funeral wishes; I am allowing Verity to attend but only on her own; no exceptions. Otherwise, she will not be allowed in.

My executor and best friend, Nick, will hand to Verity, at the service, a sealed envelope from me; he does not not know what is in it, only I do

I can now have a little more rest

The assault of Professor Chris Whitty

The person who put Chris Whitty in a headlock has been sacked. I am pleased as people have to understand that there are consequences to their actions.

GB News had an employment lawyer on to discuss the sacking. She said that as it was outside his employment, he should not have been sacked and had a claim against his employer. That may be true from a legal point of view but she is not in the real world.

Business is all about image these days and no employer would want that scumbag working for them.

But there is another issue. If Professor Chris Whitty had been a woman, those yobs would have been instantly arrested, no doubt about it and that employment lawyer would have taken a completely different approach to the sacking.

As to the police supposedly intervening, that is complete cobblers. As Professor Whitty was a man, they did not intervene otherwise it would have been on the video. Yet again, another example of the police’s divergent attitude to male and female victims.

Some may call me a misogynist but I could not care a damn. Unless you are totally blind, you know that men are treated completely differently from women when it comes to the media and the attitude of the police. If you do not realise that, you were born under a rock.

I should know; I experienced the sexually discrimatory attitude of the police and the justice system. It has destroyed my life


For so many reasons, I am unable to work.

When my father was free from Alzheimer’s, he set up a trust fund for my brother and I. When we died, it would pass onto our children and so on. Because I am unable to work, I rely on the income that I get from the fund in order to sustain my life.

Everything went well for a while and then my father got Alzheimer’s; he completely changed his attitude towards me and I was seen as the enemy. Whilst it was not his fault, he has always favoured my brother and has continued to throw money at him every since.

I am not just talking about a few thousand pounds; I am talking about millions. He gave my brother £1.25M of his own money as so called “advanced inheritance” but all this really was was hush money to cover up the sexual abuse by my father of one or both of my brother’s daughter’s.

My father’s paedophilic tendancies are not new as he sexually abused me between the age of 8 and 12/13. That horrible event had been buried deep in my mind but when my daughter falsely accused me of sexual abuse in 2016, those awful memories started to slowly emerge.

It has had a horrendous effect on both my mental and physical health. Mentally, it has made me very depressed, agoraphobic and sometimes suicidal. Last year, I ended up in a private psychiatric hospital, because the waiting lists for NHS help were too long. I could ill afford to pay this but I had no choice and when I sought help from the trust to recoup my savings, they refused; that was on my father’s instructions.

It is a bit of a joke because the trustees of a trust are there solely to assist in the welfare of the beneficiaries and are supposed to be independent. But, in the real world, that never happens at all. The person who put the money in, controls the funds like his tax free piggy bank. For my father, that amounts to around £20m to play with; roughly half of that should have been paid in tax, interest and penalties. That is on top of his personal wealth that also runs into millions.

In his Alzheimer’s fueled state, he decided to give my brother a £1.45M interest free loan via the trust, which my brother used to buy an industrial property. So, on top of having to pay no interest, my brother, Martin, also rakes in tens of thousands of rent every year.

So, my brother has received £2.7M of interest free cash plus the huge rental income of course.

When I begged the trustees to help recoup the cost of the hospital, which amounted to “just” £20,000, they just said “no” as I had “sufficient income already”. Double standards? Of course it is.

So, I had no choice but to leave the hospital and book into a Travelodge at a mere fraction of the £6,500 that I was paying for the hospital. This was last June and in the midst of the pandemic so the hotel was full of drug dealers and unsavoury characters. I had to keep myself to myself and was holed up in my room for most of the time.

If you remember, that was a very hot summer and there was no air conditioning at all. That exacerbated my skin condition that was triggered by the false sexual abuse allegations. To give you some idea of the pain, this is my foot, which is covered with nodules. Although I thought it was psoriasis, it now seems that it is something called Prurigo Nodularis, again a stress related condition that was triggered by those false sexual abuse claims

Digital Camera

Incidentally, my daughter was “incentivised” by my father in 2016, by the paying of cash to go on a luxury Scottish holiday with her mother. Lovely eh?

If that was not enough, before the pandemic even hit, in 2018, my father wrote me a letter, to be purposely received on my birthday, offering me £250,000 to leave the UK permanently and to go to South Africa, with which I have many ties. He just wanted me out of the way and away from the trust.

I was categorically told that my father had a meeting with my brother, Ron Downhill and John Marriott (who I will come onto later) to actually get me removed from the trust as a beneficiary. If that had happened, I would have gone bankrupt and homeless very quickly. None of them cared because they had one thing in common; they were all masons and, as we all know, masons stick together like glue.

No one in that room even considered for one moment what the impact on me would have been and though I strongly suspect that my brother, Martin, had a different agenda, they never even considered for one moment the fact that they were dealing with an Alzheimer’s suffering man, who was, for all intense and purposes, out of his mind. Ron Downhill and John Marriott were being “loyal” to an Alzheimer’s suffering man, who was not thinking straight. I wrote to them recently pointing this out but they have completely ignored me, preferring to rest on their masonic loyalties than actually to see reason.

If my father did not want me in the trust in the first place, he would not have included me as a beneficiary but Downhill and Marriott’s actions are completely nonsensical. They are intelligent men ( I have dealt with them both for years) but they are just blinded by the masonic loyalty and applying that to their complete lack of judgement.

Of course, my father engineered it that my brother now runs the show and, as my father is now severely incapacitated with Alzheimer’s, has access to my father’s personal wealth as well as all of the funds in the trust. Maybe it is that Downhill and Marriott are cowards and do not want to go against my brother; masonic loyalty and common sense aside. If they did, my brother is likely to find someone who will agree with him and, of course, money talks and persuades people to do things that they do not want to do.

Martin, my brother, is well known for his self centredness and greed. After all, he openly declared to my father that “I have never been so rich before”. What does that tell you about Martin Hender? He is quite happy to sacrifice his very own brother to have a bigger bank account and to be the “The big I am”. His ego and greed has no bounds. After all, he put money BEFORE the safety of one or both of his very own children and that applies to his wife too.

The level of disgust towards Martin and his wife is so profound that I cannot really put it into words other than to say that I am totally ashamed of them both.

Martin and his wife Alison were and are so self opinionating and my Martin even said once that “I am right, you do not have an opinion”. I am not one to cite religious references but they are both absolutely and undeniably evil.

I have now suffered from this horrendous skin condition for over 5 years. I have taken lotions and potions but nothing has worked. So many times that I have totally lost hope and wanted to die. One of those instances was last year, late May/June but I have felt like that so many times since.

But, every now and again, I take a very deep breath and say to myself “those buggers are not going to win and, if they do, I will die fighting”. They are bullies and the filth of the earth. They have absolutely no compassion or empathy and would rather rely on the pathetic loyalties that are within the masonhood and guess what? The masons are supposed to be a charitable organisation; what a complete load of crap.

Everything got so bad for me that I begged to see my doctor on a face to face consultation. That is very difficult in these current circumstances but he agreed to see me.

I started off by talking about the severe pain and lack of sleep that I have endured for so many years and then I just broke down; everything poured out. The sexual abuse by my father when I was a very young boy, the false sex abuse claims incited by my father and carried out by my daughter, the bribery to leave the country, the economic abuse that I still suffer; absolutely everything. Nothing was off limits. I just cannot take it anymore and need to get off this damn island and to start afresh. But those in control of the trust and my father’s money want me to stay here, in a prison without bars. They are, in effect, my prison guards, as well as being the judges and juries and continue to control my life and I am now 58!

My doctor was very concerned for me and, once I had calmed down, said that he wanted to write to all of those concerned, to say what damage that they have done to me and continue to do to me. Apart from my couple of friends on the island, he is the very first person who has showed any sympathy and empathy, EVER. That includes everyone who I have been in contact with; all police forces, solicitors, judges, you name it, including my daughter, who made a very big mistake and who has lost me forever; I will never ever see her again and she will not even see my body when I die because I have insisted that the coffin is sealed.

My pleas to Downhill and Marriott have gone unanswered and even if they dare to ignore the letter from my doctor, I will continue to fight and be a thorn in their sides, until my very last breath; I WILL NEVER GIVE IN

GB News

I had great hope for GB News. Some of the programmes are entertaining, especially the show with Simon McCoy and Alex Phillips.

When Andrew Neil did his grand speech on the launch of the channel on the 13th June 2021, he said they would be different and not like the other media.

The first week was fine and I was encouraged but in only the second week, they have dumbed down and I mean dumbed down a lot.

I have written to Andrew Neil many times about the corruption in the police and what happened to me, insofar that I was sexually abused by my father and it was covered up. Not only that but I was accused by my daughter of sexual abuse, which was totally false and thrown out by both the CPS AND the police in August 2016. It did not just happen to me but to many other men and boys.

But Neil and GB News have ignored all of that and, in only the second week, concentrate on the usual guff.

They are just another commercial channel and have done nothing to expose the many injustices in THIS country.

What a con; how pathetic

GB News, like all other media channels, are scared to criticie the police and the justice system

Mental health

There has been a great emphasis on mental health during the pandemic but, in my opinion, not before that; I should know.

When I have spoken to GPs about my mental health, I get the same answer “there is a long waiting list”. So I have had to pay for counselling privately.

I hope that something good has come out of the pandemic; a realisation that people suffer so badly with their mental health but I fear that as the pandemic wanes, we will go back to what it was.

I probably got more assistance with my mental health in prison, as I was on suicide watch during my whole time on remand. I completely shut down from the moment that I entered the prison. I neither ate for 10 days or even went to the toilet (other than number 1s).

That being said, I could have easily committed suicide. The “watchers” got bored and the time between them checking on me varied enormously; they just saw me as a pain.

Quite frankly, given my numerous attempts at suicide (some that led to my arrest and mistreatment by the police), I should have never been in prison in the first place. That was the judge’s fault in wanting to “get” me. After all, it was not long before that when I was in a psychiatric hospital, for wanting to commit suicide.

Everything had got on top of me; the abuse by the police, the feeling that they could burst through the door at any moment, drag me out of the house and the complete disregard for my agoraphobia; not even my GPs surgery came to see me at the allotted time, they could not be bothered. But I did talk to my GP and he said what I expected “there is a long waiting list” so I had to book myself into a psychiatric hospital on the mainland and it cost me £21,000 when I left. That made a massive dent in my savings and the trust were not interested in helping me, although they gave an interest free loan of £1.45M to my brother and bought my daughter a free house.

But I felt better being at the hospital; I felt safe and no one knew where I had gone, except my GP.

The thing is that I cannot deal with any stress and that harks back to when I was 16, when I had my brain cancer operation. I had been suffering from epilepsy since I was 13 and they discovered a brain tumour when I was 16. If I had not had the op, I would have been dead within 6 months; a “no brainer” really.

The cancer was removed and they said I was fine but what they did not tell me was that scar tissue would start to form. That scarring caused epilepsy, which was finally controlled totally by drugs but not until 2012, yes 2012.

But on top of the epilepsy, it caused my tolerance to stress to be reduced to zero. What that caused was me to drink and smoke quite heavily; no one understood that, not Liesel, my second wife or my daughter.

My father told my cousin that “I was imperfect” and he did not just mean the sexual abuse that I suffered but I was not the son that he wanted me to be, despite achieving the same professional qualification that he did and working my way up to Finance Director.

Then after a period of massive stress, my career collapsed after a nervous breakdown and everything that I had worked for went down the drain.

He blames me for getting ill, he even blames me for him sexually abusing me and he blames me for having no tolerance to stress so that I could not work.

So, he decided to destroy me and it continues to this day

What I have become

I have been watching the excellent drama series “Peaky Blinders” for a few days now and it is not the main character that interests me but one of the brothers, Arthur. All of the three brothers fought in World War 1 but only Arthur was affected by the war.

It is said that whomever returned from that war, was never the same again and I can understand that; my granddad Fox, my mother’s father was never the same.

I was a quiet but vibrant individual, who was full of life. I endured two divorces and the death of my beloved Liesel but I have never recovered from the latter.

I did try and keep to my word to Liesel when I married Rosanna but she had two boys who lived with us and she always put me in third place. The actual divorce process nearly killed me and I was arrested for wanting to blow up Nepcote House with me in it; I had planned it all.

But what has really changed me, for the worse, is what has happened since I came to the island. The constant bullying by the police and the false accusations that were made by my daughter and her mother; all for money, from my father. I am not a religious person but a religious reference is relevant here; they sold me out for pieces of silver, be it cash, revenge or a house paid for by the trust. I saved up to buy my own house and, with a mortgage did so, but my daughter was just handed one on a plate; she will become someone no better than Paris Hilton.

When I got divorced from my daughter’s mother, I had to pay out so much money that I was homeless and I had paid for everything, the mortgage, the lot.

But, through sheer greed, she threw it all away, as she embezzled the company that she worked for. I had paid out £250,000 in the early 2000’s, effectively my daughter’s birthright and she did not care about my daughter’s future and embezzled that company; my daughter’s birthright was gone.

I have been hurt by so many women, except one, Liesel. We were a team and although she has been dead 14 years, I am still in love with her. We were “hardwired” from the moment that I first saw her and I will never love another woman like that again. I am destined to be alone and though I get lonely at times, I still have Liesel “living” somewhere in the ether, she constantly looks over me and so really I am not alone at all.

But my life will never change, thanks to the actions of the family, the police and the justice system, all of whom are completely corrupt.

The Masons

Everyone, who was not born under a rock, will know of the Masons. They are like an insidious virus; they have leached into every area of society, including governmental institutions, such as the judges and the police.

My father is a mason. My brother is a mason. My father’s associates are masons. Even the judge that treated me so badly is a mason. I threatened to expose him when I was on remand and, at my sentencing, he had a “change of heart” and gave me a suspended sentence. I had written many times to the governor of the prison and said that I would expose the judge. Clearly, the governor had been in contact with the judge; hence my suspended sentence.

Just as importantly, Ron Downhill, the tax and legal advisor to the trust, from which I derive my sole income, is a mason. (When I was writing to him, I accused him of being a mason but he flatly denied it; I know for sure that he is one). What happens in the trust, dictates my life

The police are rife with masons, every police force. I had reported my father for the sexual abuse that I endured as a boy and this did go to the Met Police but, due to my father’s masonic contacts, my case has been buried. If I enquire as to the state of the investigation, all I get are platitudes and bullshit.

Yet another example of the injustice that I have suffered.

After a week of being stuck in the house, due to my very painful tennis elbow I was going to start back in the workshop with my arm strapped up.

But the posts that I have written today, including the one above, have yet again deeply affected me and I can now no longer bring myself to go out of the back door of the kitchen. And I had my boots on with a box by the back door with all of the bits that I had ordered too.

THAT is the effect on me of all that has happened since being on the island


As many will know, I suffer from this debilitating condition, caused by what happened in April 2016 and in the years afterwards.

The condition is misunderstood. Yes, there are people who will not set one foot out of their home but thankfully I have a workshop. However, for many months, I would not set one foot out of my back door.

But, in the main, the condition means that people feel uncomfortable about places which are unfamiliar. Sadly, the ignorant police just did not understand that and my constant arrests and bullying at the hands of the police has caused me irreparable harm.

When I was on remand, I stayed in my cell, even when asked to go out for some exercise. I did try it once but quickly asked to be returned to my cell; that was refused.

Like many with agoraphobia, I hate crowds and do all of my shopping on-line, only going out to collect my medication or seeing my friend and osteopath, Nick. I used to love going to supermarkets but not now.

No one in the family has any clue of the damage that they have done to me or they conveniently forget.

Many years ago, I used to go out with my daughter to Kingston’s big shopping centre and so that we could have lunch, always Carluccio’s. But that is a distant memory now and I have not seen my daughter since 2015; there is a massive hole in my heart as a result.