After throwing up violently before attempting a few hours sleep, I came down again and cancelled something.
I have got to know this lovely couple, all on-line of course and Tracy was great at baking; Trevor was great at metal fabrication. I had got to know them both through You Tube.
So, I thought to myself that I would send Verity a big brownie cake, as I know that she likes that and Tracy was going to put a hand written note in for me saying “Happy birthday love Dad”. I wanted to show Verity that even now, I loved her.
But I have just cancelled it as I am sure the police will construe that as some sort of harassment or think that I am poisoning her so as to have another excuse to brutalise me.
A Bakewell has gone to Dad too but completely anonymous as, in his state, he could throw a real wobbly and I don’t want that. He loves Bakewell tart and I hope that it will bring back some good memories.
Quite frankly, my love for Verity is just about gone now, just like that for my Dad has gone completely, although I am still trying to hang on.
The idea of losing the beard for her birthday has gone too and I fear that I will not last til Liesel’s birthday as I am quite sure that the police will come and smash down my door and then I will be a dribbling mess. So no birthday present for Liesel either and no more David.
I also predict that this blog will come crashing to a sudden halt at the same time because I will be incapable of typing let alone speaking, if I am here at all. I will be what my psychiatrist predicted all of those years ago; a vegetable and there is not a thing that I can do about it