When I got married to Samantha, who was to become Verity’s mum in a couple of year’s time, I was so very happy and I had no doubts at all. I was even caught on video outside the church talking about children, because it is children who really bring a couple together. If a marriage is in trouble, sometimes it can knock sense into the couple but, more often than not, it does not work.
But when I married Samantha, everything was perfect. My Mum and Dad loved Samantha and I loved Alan and Florence, Samantha’s parents, to bits, even if Florence was a bit frosty, hating to be hugged, something that I never got used to, as I am a warm and tactile person.
We really loved each other and planned the wedding together. We chose the music that follows because it was a reflection of our love and a hope for lifelong happiness.
But, it was not to be. I no longer love Samantha and have absolutely no desire to get back with her, even if Verity pleaded with me. She has sadly never changed or seen the error of her ways and has hurt me more than I can ever really describe, both during the divorce and up to this very day.
I used to sit for hours, just staring at the television, sitting on the floor of what is now my Dad’s study, smoking like a chimney, feeling totally numb. I really wanted to give up, not just fighting for my wife but fighting for myself but my Dad just shouted at me to get through to me. It was only then that I considered returning to work.
I have a lot to thank my Mum and Dad for. Not just the fancy education and a comfortable life but for Dad forcing me to smell the coffee and to consider starting my life anew. It is, with great sadness, that I have not had the same effect on Verity. In that respect, I have failed my daughter. I just wish that I could talk to her face to face.
I thought, naively, that marriage was to be for life. My parents were always together and so were Samantha’s. I gave Samantha and Verity a very comfortable life but Samantha wanted much more; she wanted to rule the roost and get lots of money off me.
I remember, like yesterday, when my brother announced Mr and Mrs Hender. We looked at each other and walked into the room, arm in arm.
Even at the cliff edge, when we were waiting for the removal vans, I asked her if we could try again but she refused. She had no intention of contemplating getting back with me; she and “him” had their plan and she was sticking to it.
Verity knows most, if not all of this and I have always wondered why she is so loyal to her mother and to him. I can understand why she effectively forgives her mother for intentionally breaking up the marriage; effectively all for money and to have a lap dog of a partner.
What ever happened to “in sickness and in health, to death do us part, forsaking all others”. If I had been a bully and had beaten her around, I would have understood it but I did none of that.
So now, this music has not only become a memory of my first marriage but also a desire for hope, for me and for Verity.
At the end of the day, if Verity and I could reconcile, I would not care a stuff about moving and would endure the burden that is the Isle of Wight.
But although I have tried so very hard, Verity is just not interested. She has been clearly turned and brainwashed by her mother and the rest of the family. So, to literally survive, I now have to fight for myself and I will continue to fight until I succeed or die; it is as simple as that; Giving up is just not in my vocabulary.
That sense of pride was replicated when my little girl was born.