“I need some alone time”

A couple, who are on an equal footing, will understand that they cannot be joined at the hip all of the time.

But, let’s just say that it is “the woman who wears the trousers”. She will expect her own desire to have alone time but when her partner asks, she will question it constantly.

“Don’t you love me anymore ?” is the normal way to make a man feel guilty. That is not a healthy relationship and I have experienced at least two of those.

It even used to go as far as, when I was working on my internet business, Meia, my fiance, would barge into the barn with her daughter and expect me to help her daughter with her homework. Meia took umbridge with this and I was made to feel guilty when I say “No”.

It is great to be cuddled up on the sofa together but we all need our own space, from time to time. It is not necessarily being alone that is important; it is being away from your partner. I used to spend it either in my garage or down the pub.

But, ironically, it was when Liesel and I went shopping for clothes that I enjoyed the most. I would actively look for dresses that I thought may suit her. She was happy with my suggestions but only because it was a relationship of equals.

Similarly, Verity and I used to love to go shopping to Kingston. We always started off at Carlucio’s for lunch and then she shopped after I had given her a budget, which she nearly always broke. I loved those times with Verity as much as shopping with Liesel.

Just because Verity was my daughter, did not preclude her from being my equal. That was why it was so much fun.

But in my two marriages, it was not fun shopping. They never encouraged me to engage in the process and I just stood there, like a lump, as is the case for the stereotypical husband out shopping with his wife. They never asked me if a dress looked nice on them; they just did it for themselves.

That is the difference between a balanced relationship as opposed to a very unbalanced one.

Published by David Hender (copyright owner- all rights reserved)

If you want to know me, you first need to understand where I have been and where I am going

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