It was quite strange how I felt last night.
I was so relaxed, tranquil and had not an ounce of frustration or anger within me; it would have been a good time to die.
But, it didn’t happen; maybe, it is not my time yet.
However, I think I am starting to work out as to why I was so tranquil.
You all know that I am very passionate about gender imbalance, lies, deceipt and corruption. Last night, I just turned off the television and listened to a selection of music that means a great deal to me, over and over again, for hours.
It relaxed me so much and without the triggers of what upsets me, I felt so good in myself, so much so that I would not have worried if I had died that night, last night.
After all, I would be leaving nothing behind except things and no one who truly loves me.
For a long time now, I have never feared death but have feared the manner in which I would die, as I do fear pain; I have had so much of it in my life. A sudden death would be fine but a long drawn out death is not worth even thinking about.
I think everyone would prefer the former but dread the latter, so much so that if I got some bad news, I would go out and buy a crappy car, with no air bags and just drive off a cliff.
I could not do it in my beloved truck, as it is built like a tank and has so many air bags that I would probably survive but heavily disabled; that would be the worst scenario.
This plan would apply if I had cancer or Alzheimer’s. Even if my Verity lowered herself to see me, I would not want her to see me wasting away.
I have always been a forward thinker and I have planned my end with great detail.
When that end comes, I will be back with the only people who love me, my Liesel and my beloved Mum