I just want to cry

I have just watched a Father Brown episode that revolved around Christmas. I have seen it so many times before and anyway, UKTV always put the old stuff on at the weekend; people like me just do not matter apparently.

Basically a husband and wife had lost their child but, for them, it all turned out alright in the end.

Sadly, if Verity does not do the right thing and I doubt she will, I will have lost her forever.

Of course, there were scenes of families being together. I am sure that being a Sunday, Verity has been stuffing her face with her mother and him, my toe rag of a brother has been with his family and my father, suffering from Alzheimer’s, has yet again driven down to the pub to stuff his face too.

But here is me, on my own again, as I am every Sunday and every day of the week as well.

I really used to love Christmas. Even though she was a baby, being with Samantha and sharing good times with the rest of my family. Then after the divorce, being with Liesel and Verity but then Liesel was taken away from me.

I think that I can count the numbers of times that I have had Verity on one hand; there was always an excuse as to why she could not come. Granddad ill (at least three times), an R in the month, quite frankly any excuse. Samantha just didn’t want me seeing my daughter and though I tried to make the best of it, it broke my heart that my little angel could not be with me.

So, as the years went by, Verity and I became more and more distant but we were good company for each other and when we did see each other, we tried to make the best of it.

But Samantha has taken it much further. Alienating Verity from me and then coercing and manipulating her to turn against me, with the attempt to put me in prison.

She has no shame. she has no soul. Anything and everything to hurt me as much as she can

I really am losing the battle and, yes, it is a battle.

How can I win with Verity sitting constantly on the fence, twiddling her thumbs, whilst her mother has a serious agenda to wanting it all her own way and my pathetic family not wanting to lift a finger because they are selfish and greedy or just cannot accept that they were wrong in harming me so much. Their ego and pride will mean that I will be scared forever.

What is the fucking point?

Liesel, come and take me tonight; I beg of you.

I have tried and failed to get our Verity back

If you dont, I will have to take it into my own hands

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