The separation of a father from his daughter, especially when it is over a period of years, rather than weeks or months, is a pain that it so hard to bear. It makes you feel constantly sick, you have to force yourself to eat; you know that you have to but you do not want to.
To dull the pain, you drink much more and it becomes less of a joy every day, to a time when you no longer enjoy wine as you used to and it becomes a mere daily occurrence for no reason at all, other than to pass the day. When you are not drinking or smoking, you just stare at the television to try and distract you and when you are doing none of that, you just curl up in bed to try and switch off but you cannot.
YOU CAN NEVER SWITCH OFF, YOU CAN NEVER REST
You have missed the last four years of your daughter’s life and you feel that in previous years, she has just used you and your home to see boyfriends. But you didn’t care because you got to see and talk to your daughter.
But you then miss special events; multiple Christmases, more fathers’ days than you can remember, your birthdays, her 18th birthday, her 21st birthday, her first day at university and will miss her graduation, events that you first dreamed off when your daughter was born.
You will also miss other special events; maybe seeing her fulfill the joy of her qualifying in her chosen profession, maybe walking your daughter down the aisle, maybe the birth of a baby. All of these experiences, special experiences that would have remained with you until the day that you died, will never take place.
Losing a child is a horrible thing, especially to a loving father, whether she is a baby, is young or a fully grown adult. But, by her daughter’s choice is EVEN WORSE.
You nearly lost her at birth and you never EVER want to lose her again. You will do absolutely ANYTHING to avoid that happening.
She is part of you, what makes you tick, what gives you a purpose when the shit hits the fan and without her, a large part of your reason for being has gone
But your loving daughter does not or cannot see that. SHE IS IN A BOX FROM WHICH SHE FEELS THAT SHE CANNOT ESCAPE
Instead, she just feels guilt and does not know what to do. But all that her Dad wants is just a big hug, like in the good old days. Her Dad is not worried about the past (but wants to know what happened, in her daughter’s own time) but is only interested in the future and some happiness for the first time in a long time, with his daughter.
But instead of realising that JUST to say “hello” to her Dad, will just let all of his and her pain go away, BUT she does nothing and lets the pain continue.
SHE NEEDS TO BREAK FREE AND CHANGE NOW TO HELP HERSELF AND TO HELP HER DAD WHO SHE LOVES AND WILL ALWAYS LOVE
IF SHE IS SUBSERVIENT NOW, SHE WILL BE FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE, JUST AS HER GRANDFATHER HAS TRIED TO DO TO HER OWN DAD
EVEN WHEN HER GRANDFATHER PASSES, THERE WILL BE MECHANICS IN PLACE TO CONTROL HER LIFE, AS HAS BEEN DONE TO HER VERY OWN FATHER.
IT IS EVEN WRITTEN INTO TRUST DOCUMENTS BY BERWIN LEIGHTON PAISNER, THE TRUST’S LAWYERS