I need a fresh start

I had nothing to watch on television and so I watched one of my saved programmes. It was “Death in Paradise” but I could not understand why I had saved it.

It was not until more than half way through that I realised why. Kris Marshall’s stage wife came out to see him on the island. When he had come out, she had decided to not come.

His wife and he were having a hum drum life and wanted a fresh start; that was his reason for coming to the island.

But his wife had changed her mind and wanted Kris Marshall’s character back but he chose to tell her that he did not want to and they broke up for good.

There is no question that I am leading a hum drum life now and I was banking on reconciling with Verity to give me a fresh start and I could springboard from there.

The thing is that like Kris Marshall’s stage wife, she did not want to change and so it was left to her husband to make a fresh start on his own. That is what I need.

Of course, I love my Verity so much; she is the reason that I am on this planet but will she change? I doubt it.

So, it is up to me to make the change for myself. I wanted to move to the west country on the mainland to make a fresh start and to be in a totally different environment and that was my main reason for trying to force the trust to pay up what I was owed so that I could buy a new home and then sell this dreadful one, one that was supposed to be my sanctuary, where I could heal but one that has brought me so much sadness and pain.

How long have I been trying to get Verity back? Three plus years? Not even a solitary email, not a card on a birthday or fathers’ day, absolutely nothing.

There will come a time when she will realise her mistake and ask to be back in my life. But, if much more time elapses, I am going to have to say no to Verity. Verity will only want to reconcile with me for selfish reasons, not for our benefit but for just hers, to make her feel better but if much more time passes, although I love her dearly, I am just going to say no.

So, what to do? South Africa is an option but my skin is so bad, I am worried about the bug bites. Maybe New Zealand although I could not get further from Blighty if I tried, save for Russia, which is so corrupt, I could not stand it.

I have friends in SA but it is very corrupt too, so maybe New Zealand is the best option.

I need to think about this far more but what about my beloved cat and chum, William? He would have to go as he would not handle the trip. Given his age, maybe the best thing to do would be to put him to sleep, rather than try and rehouse him, as he has now been with me for so very long. Verity blamed me for rehousing his sister but that was not my fault; it was just one of those things but putting William to sleep will be her fault.

What about my garage tools and equipment which I have amassed and what about the cars and Betty the Campervan?

So much to decide on

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