Good morning my friends; it’s my birthday!
Anyone who has got to know me through this blog, will know what I want for my birthday. Will I get it? I really do not honestly know but there is a bottle of pink champagne on the top of the fridge with the writing “For Verity” on it; that should give you a clue.
I have worked out that most of my family have gone and that they will never change; they have been like that for most of their lives anyway.
But there is one person, who has not behaved the way that she truly is. Yes, I have said some very angry and hurtful things about Verity but that is just a reaction to what I have been going through.
I do not believe that deep down, Verity is like what she has been at all. There is a large part of her that is good and kind. That can never be knocked out of you; you are either born kind and considerate or you are not and Verity is certainly in the former category.
She has a hard path to walk down but I have told her many times that we can do it together. I have always been with her and will continue to be with her, if she will let me.
We used to be a very special family of three and we were most happy when we were all together; no agendas, no special treatment, absolutely nothing.
Sadly, one of those three, my beloved Liesel, died at the age of just 39. Not only did I lose my soul mate but Verity lost her surrogate mother. Verity and Liesel were so close that you could not put a sheet a paper between them. Verity needed and loved Liesel and Liesel needed and loved Verity.
Verity and I too were as thick as thieves and I guess that people were very jealous of that relationship, meaning that they would go to any lengths to break it up and they certainly did.
Since April 2016, I have been going through life, like a person goes through life, without a compass, knowing where I wanted to go but not achieving it. That compass is my Verity; I am part of her and she is part of me.
Even though losing Liesel nearly destroyed me, I had to keep myself going for one person and one person only, Verity. Not only has Verity always been my compass since she was conceived, she has given me a purpose in life, a purpose that I have now lost.
Hence, I no longer care about my health other than taking the pills to stop me having a heart attack or a seizure and no longer have any quality of life. All of the many letters from the docs for tests just go into the pile for shredding or burning.
Even though I cannot be sure for certain if Verity is actually mine, as her mother is well known for sleeping around, Verity IS my little girl. It is not about nature but about nurture but I do feel in my waters that she is mine, through and through. When I say “mine”, I mean that I was part of the conception but you can never own someone, not even a baby; you just look after them until they are old and wise enough to look after themselves. Sadly, that it not the mindset that her mother follows.
Since the divorce and my later rejection of her suggestion to reconcile, she has always tried to separate Verity from me, by whatever means. She has used always Verity as a pawn against me as she knew that I loved her from the bottom up
So, I ask the question again. Can we be a family of two?
Verity needs to do the right thing. It is a hard thing but it is the right thing.
In my real world, people look after each other