It seems strange that I can talk about my emotions on here but find it hard to make the people whom I love understand what I am all about.
I wrote some messages to Verity today. I don’t know why I did it today but it just felt like the right time. They were not about her and me, they were just about her and her forthcoming exams.
As her Dad, I just wanted to give her some advice, as any Dad should, when something big is about to happen. I do not feel that it is right that I replicate those messages here; actually I do not want to; they are between father and daughter.
I have felt quite emotional most of the day and have slept a lot because I had a really bad night with my legs and I even found blood on the floor this morning.
I was watching a quite poignant piece of television that was about a father not being proud of his son’s achievements and it has made me so sad that I have had to switch it off. After writing this, I am going back to my inner sanctum to try and reset.
I just feel so paralysed by sadness right now and so it is just best to cut my losses. If I can sleep, it may help but with so much constantly racing through my mind, it is always difficult. I really wish that I could just switch off but I cannot.
My daughter is far too important for that and I will fight for as long as I am able to get her back. She is my world, she is all that I have now and without her, I am nothing.