I believe in fate; nothing particularly special about that but I want to describe why.
Painful though it has been, if my career had not collapsed because of my nervous breakdown, I would not have been able to look after Liesel, look after my Mum and look after my Dad.
Maybe, even what has happened to me for the last four years, was for a purpose. The bond with Verity is well and truly broken but when she comes around, then one hopes that the bond between us will be even stronger than it was before.
Quite frankly, none of this will make any sense unless you have a truly open mind that thinks in all directions at the same time.
My beliefs dictate that everyone has a path. You can deviate from that path but it always ends up going in the same direction as planned.
The closest that I can come to describe it is a film, relatively unknown, called “The adjustment bureau”. I am not going to say anything about the film but will say this…
ONLY BUY IT IF YOU HAVE A COMPLETELY OPEN MIND, OTHERWISE IT WILL BE A WASTE OF TIME
I have spiritual beliefs and believe that through this long time of conflict and pain with just about everyone, I am getting a helping hand. Call them spirits, call them angels or whatever you feel comfortable with, but there is no way, even with my lateral logical mind, that I could have escaped the accusations levied by the Police and Verity without some help. Some of the complex laterally thinking scenarios would have been beyond me but I swept aside all of the allegations, with only me at the computer. Ordinarily, I would have gone into melt down and would not have been able to curry such an effective defence, a defence that blew all of those allegations out of the water, so much so that the Police had no choice but to throw the case out.
You can call me mad, you can call me bonkers and you have every right to do so, that is your choice, but I believe in what I believe and no one can take that away from me. After all, the normal religions are never accused of being false, although there is absolutely no proof that Jesus or God (or whatever he is called) exists but many billions of people believe in god in one form or another and are never critisised. So, why should my beliefs be critisised, just because they do not comply with the norm?
I do not preach my beliefs to others, I have not formed a cult, I have not harmed anybody but I do try and explain them to others, through this medium.
Maybe, all that is happening to me is some form of test, to see how strong I am and to show how much I love my daughter and father, although both have harmed me so much and both have disinherited me, financially and emotionally; basically, every way that you can think of.
What has happened to me would have driven most men insane by now but I still plug on. Yes, I am disheveled, yes, I am physically dirty, yes, my house has become a filthy hovel but I am still going strong, even if I sleep during the day much more than I have ever done before.
It is certainly not a test, if it is one, that I would want to go through again, as it has definitely, caused me great stress, physical pain and has, without a doubt, shortened my life as a result.