I say “when” and not “if” because that brings me hope. If I or anyone else for that matter does not have any hope, then quite frankly you are doomed.
I have always wondered how I would react with my darling daughter, who I have not seen for so long.
Will I laugh? Will I shake her hand? Quite frankly, it is not really something that you can plan, when you have been estranged from someone for so long.
But, if I saw her beautiful face at the door, I think I would welcome her in and look at my grown up girl for a minute. Then hopefully, we would just hug each other, at which time I think that I would just burst into tears, releasing all those emotions of sadness and frustration.
I would want her to just hug me tight and maybe she would cry too. I don’t want any “I’m sorry Dad” or anything else like that because there would be no need to say sorry for anything, nothing at all.
Then, after a time, we would sit down, probably with stiff drinks and then start to talk again. I would not ask “why?”. That needs to come from Verity without any prompting and I hope that it would not take too long to come.
It will be difficult for her, I know that, very difficult but with us holding each others hands, maybe she would have the strength to just let it all out; something that she would have wanted to do for years.
It is not just me who has been in pain; it has been Verity too and I have to recognise that as I do now.
Once, Verity and I were so very close and I have to hope that we will be like that again, one day.
When that day comes, it will be like the lifting of the weights off my shoulders and the same will apply to Verity too; probably even more so because she is so young and the fact that I have handled bad things in my life for so many years now; battle hardened would be a good way to describe it.
One day; one day soon I hope
But maybe the first step is just to pick up the phone so that I can hear those words “Hi Dad”
I saved my little girl once; I want to save her again