I have been very reticent about writing about this, as my beliefs are my own and I respect other people’s beliefs. Also, I do not want to take away the important messages that this blog makes, with people thinking that I am a nutter of some kind.
But, I have decided to delve into this subject, as it means a great deal to me.
I guess that I feel so strongly about this subject because there is really nothing left on this corrupt earth for me and my loved ones have completely deserted me. I just want to be with my darling Liesel and my beloved Mum, two out of the three most important people that I have ever loved and cared for, the third being Verity who is thankfully still alive but who is so distant from me that she might as well be on another planet.
It is quite a simple one actually. There are few things that I remember from my old physics lessons from many moons ago but one particular subject stands out head and shoulders from the rest; that is that energy cannot ever be destroyed but can be converted into something else. The normal things that they are converted to is heat, light and sound but I am sure that there are other things that are beyond our comprehension. To say that we know it all is just pure unadulterated arrogance.
When someone dies, their energy is converted into something else. There are magical electrical currents that flow through our nerves, muscles and in our brain. When someone dies, they dissipate but into what? That, my friends, is the fundamental question.
You all know that I am not religious in any form, although I do respect other people’s beliefs. I do not believe in a heaven or hell per se but I do believe in an afterlife otherwise, where does all of the body’s energy go?
Call it the afterlife, call it heaven, call it whatever you wish but they are all just labels. On the death of Liesel, I have had experiences in the past, as has her mother but they are private to us and will never be repeated.
There is a phrase that when someone is in need of help, their past loved ones will come to assist and that is what I believe. I believe that because I am constantly going through so much stress and pain, someone has been there to help me and communicates to me when I am asleep, on the many occasions when I cat nap or have a disturbed night.
I would love to take credit but I do not believe my many insights into what has gone on over the last few years is mere intelligence alone; I am convinced that I have had help and because there has never been a resolution, that help continues to be given.
If this nightmare, through which I have lived through for so long, ever comes to an end and I am finally at peace, then I suspect that those people “helping” me will depart to enable me to live my life to the full, although I am sure that they will always be around.
I believe that those people who are helping me are my departed caring Mum and my stunning Liesel, although I cannot be sure of course because they never actually talk to me; I just get feelings, ideas and insights.
No one is an position to ever call me a nutter, just because I have a spiritual point of view, as the “normal” religions have no proof whatsoever either; it is purely based on faith. After all, the bible was written many hundreds of years after the supposed existence of Jesus.
I have never sworn on a bible, I refuse to do so but will give an oath of sorts, though not based on religion or the bible. It is the oath that counts, not what it is based on.
With my beliefs, I am sure that my past loved ones are dismayed at Verity and my father for putting me through hell and I mean that in a non religious sense.
When the allegations were first made and I was arrested, when I was bailed, I suddenly realised that I had lost my Verity. I cried myself to sleep that night, begging, literally begging that Mum and Liesel took me to be with them because nothing of any import was left on this bloody planet.
When I awoke in the morning, I was sad that I had not died and went into a deep depression but, as the years passed, I came to realise that this was a path that I had to follow and that nothing else mattered apart from my daughter, to save her from what happened, as Mum and Liesel loved her so very much and they knew that I loved her too and would do anything to help her, to even sacrifice myself to pain and anguish, because that is what a Dad should do for his little girl, no matter her age.
I continue in that quest although it is so very tiring and painful. Nothing else matters at all; literally nothing and that is why I live my life, if you can call it that, as I do now. Whether it takes a year, 5 years, ten years, or the rest of my life, the only thing that matters to me is my Verity.