Everybody who has read my blog will know what has been going on and what continues to go on.
I want to talk about emotions, if I may.
The two main conspirators in all that has gone on have been my Dad and my daughter, Verity.
Despite what has happened to me, I still love the both of them but I do not hate them; I am just fucking angry at them for initiating what has happened to me. I would not wish what has happened to me on my worst enemy. I would rather put a bullet in that person’s brain rather than put them through what I have been through.
Many times have I wished that someone would just shoot me as I can never bring myself to kill myself but I am doing it gradually by harming my body; I know that very well.
But I do hate my brother and there is no love whatsoever between us and the same goes for his wife too. All they have ever thought about is themselves, for as long as I have known them in adulthood. Using Mum and Dad’s home as a hotel so that they could visit their friends, dragging me down to Wiltshire to babysit the two children when they were very young, just so that they could go out and enjoy themselves.
If most parents could not find a child minder locally, they would cancel their social engagement but, oh no, Martin and Ali used my love of family to convince me to come down, a 300 mile round trip, with just a curry for compensation. No contribution to the fuel cost was offered because they are greedy cheapskates. They just got what they wanted and never cared about the person who enabled them to do what they wanted to do.
Quite frankly, I hate my brother and do not love him or his wife. They are totally self centred. Why they had children in the first place, I will never know.
So, within my family, I love my father and my daughter but hate the rest; especially, my cousin Pat, who told me half truths when I came to see her and look after her.
I have every wish to see my Dad and Verity again but the rest of the family are totally dead to me. If Martin or Ali peg it, I will not shed a single tear and will not go to the funerals and the same applies to Pat.
I have done a lot for those people but they have betrayed me for the single purpose of improving or maintaining their lifestyles and for that, I can never ever forgive them. Using a theological reference, they can all rot in hell as far as I care.