My emails to my brother, Martin

I have thought long and hard about whether I should publish these but I have come to a decision.

Regardless of how I feel about my brother, it is clear that he is in a quandry. He cannot come to terms with what I have said and is finding it hard to overcome his natural desire to deny what is and has happened and he clearly needs a push.

Below all of Martin’s superficiality, there is a person who I believe wants to do the right thing.

This is not out of vindictiveness that I am taking this route, but is a way to try to encourage him to do the right thing.

Below, in chronological order, are my emails to him, to which there have been no replies whatsoever, not even a hint that he wishes to do what is right by his father.

Dad

This message was sent with High importance.
David Hender
Fri 22/03/2019 12:22
Martin Hender;
Alison Hender;
Verity
Dear Martin,
In my emails and posts, I have not been angered but have tried to understand why things are the way that they are.
Most importantly, I have tried to understand your behaviour, your actions as well as your inaction. Maybe I am right, maybe this is actually all down to fear and that you cannot deal with it; that is a human emotion and should not be criticised.
But the issue has been that you have never conveyed your feelings to me, preferring to hide behind a veil of superficiality. My natural response has been to heavily damn you for what you have done as well as what you have not done.
You know Martin that this will not go away, no matter how much you try to ignore it and put your head in the sand. Sadly, it will get worse, much worse. You have not seen the end “result” with fine people not just being a shadow of their former selves but actually just living shells.
Do you not understand that I am well aware what my clever and successful father is to become? It is so horrible to think of it but sadly we are powerless to prevent it. Let us hope that when it comes to it, Dad is taken like Mum was, just before she lost who she was. Martin, Mum was still “with it” just before she went. I witnessed it whilst I was sitting with Mum, whilst you and Dad were with the doctor. Even though she had that mask on her face, forcing oxygen into her, she smiled at me and tapped my arm, as though to say that it would be alright. I will never forget that and just wish that you and Dad had been there.
But, our beloved Mum has gone and cruelly, Dad is suffering the same fate. Do you know how hard it is for me to be prevented from seeing my father and how cruel that is? You cannot imagine.
When Dad told me of his illness, he knew damn well where the desire to have him in a suitable place would come from; me. So, he bribed you with more money that you could ever spend, he bribed Sam and the ultimate action; he set up me for a fall when I was falsely accused of abusing Verity and when that failed, he tried to bribe me to leave the country. He wanted me out of the way so that I could not push and push as I have done.
Literally everything boils down to Dad wanting to be shielded from me. The false allegations, the bribery of Sam, the failed bribery of me, Verity keeping away from me and, of course, your life being paved with gold. Dad knew exactly which of your buttons could be pressed to gain your loyalty, as well as you being a mason, as is John Marriott and probably Ron as well, as you are sworn to do anything for your “brothers”.
You cannot imagine what my life has been like although, at times, your brotherly concern has got the best of you and you have called the Police to check on me, if not done in a half hearted way.
Without my family and, especially, without Verity, I have nothing; I am nothing, as I have lost ALL of those who were dear to me.
Apart from my blog, my only outlet is Nick and after Nick, I did some chores that included picking up my meds. With it was two letters, one to do with my “normal” health, inviting me to go for tests and one for my epilepsy. I will not be going to either test or review? Why? Because Martin, there is no point. I am safe to drive as that is all that matters to me, as it was me who voluntarily surrendered my license after my big Porsche crash.
If I have a disease or cancer, which is highly likely now, I do not care as all that I will want is pain relief to numb the pain and I will die and be with Mum and Liesel again. I have not exactly given up but there is nothing, absolutely nothing to look forward to and so what is the point. I have fought and fought, just like Liesel and Ali did when they were ill but there comes a time when you realise that there is no point going on and I have reached that point.
I have tried so hard to reconcile, not just with the family but everyone but this wall of silence went up to shield OUR Dad from me.
There is still time.
I sent you a quote to say that it is not the past that defines you but what you do in the future and that applies to Verity too.
If any of this has “hit a chord”, then we should talk, face to face. I am prepared to come over to the mainland and meet you in a neutral place, just the two of us. This offer is not made lightly as it takes nearly two hours to travel just two miles across the Solent and then there is the drive to you.
When I tried to call in Social services to assess Dad, I promptly received a call from a policeman, who threatened me with arrest and imprisonment if I called them. The experience of what happened when I was arrested over Verity prevented me from doing what I should have done but I WAS SCARED and did nothing.
So, we are both to blame for the lack of provisions for our Dad but it does not matter who is at fault; it is all about Dad and nothing but Dad and this can be put right; EVERYTHING ELSE can be sorted out later.
You have my number and you have my email address. Think very hard about what is ACTUALLY happening to our Dad. I know that it is hard bro but we have to accept the inevitable; YOU have to accept the inevitable as no amount of money or distractions will change that.
It will not change anything
Everything

This message was sent with High importance.
David Hender
Fri 22/03/2019 21:45
Martin Hender;
Alison Hender;
Verity
Martin,
I have really tried to understand you and have offered you a massive great olive branch.
If your ego prevents you from doing anything, I can do damn all about that but if I hear nothing positive from you, I will continue on my quest to get Dad properly looked after and to get the inequities that have been in the past, reversed.
Martin, it is your choice and your choice only. Be a man for once.
I can have my power of attorney empowered in the courts but it would be far more sensible if we could do it together. Do you really want your ill father being interrogated in court? Do you really want him to be shown up as a laughing stock? I do not want that but if you fail to act, then I have absolutely no choice.
My goal is to sort out Dad first and then the inequities afterwards
Dad

This message was sent with High importance.
David Hender
Sat 23/03/2019 15:51
Martin Hender;
Alison Hender;
Verity
Martin,
From my last two emails, you may have gleaned something about your brother.
I crave to be happy again, I crave to have some semblance of life back but I am willing to put that all on hold for the sake of our father. The question is Martin; can you say the same about yourself?
Dad may be unwell but he is no fool. If you are a mason, which I strongly believe you to be, Dad would have encouraged you to become one; why? Because Masons express undying loyalty to their “brothers” and will do whatever is asked of them, regardless of the consequences.
But, do you not understand that you would not be being disloyal to him. In fact, you would be helping him to have a better quality of life and he would be safe, as would the general public, because I am pretty sure that he is still driving.
Martin, you would actually be doing right by your father and your “brother”, as would everyone else who has benefited from his “patronage”.
Once our father is safe and only when he is, then we can start to resolve the issues surrounding the trust.
What he does with his money during his lifetime is a matter for him and him alone, regardless of the oath that he swore in the divorce court that ” he treated his sons equally” but the trust is a different matter entirely.
I know that it a big decision for you but if we act as two brothers should, in concert and solidarity, for the sake of our father and his wellbeing, then we can move mountains, as Dad expected us to do when he was well, by making us joint attorneys; that was always his intention.
Please think on what I have said and hopefully get back to me when you are ready to help your father, as I am now.
To be blunt
David Hender
Sat 23/03/2019 16:22
Martin Hender
PUT DAD BEFORE YOURSELF FOR ONCE
David Hender
Sat 23/03/2019 17:05
Martin Hender
Put someone else before yourself for once
David Hender
Sat 23/03/2019 18:37
Martin Hender
Forget about what has happened to me but just think for a while how little Verity is. Yes, she is 21 but you cannot imagine what she is going through, the immense guilt, just out of sheer manipulation from everyone that she thought she loved and trusted.
Not only that, but Verity has been pushed into doing what she had to do. Her father in jail?
Do not just think about yourself but everyone who was pushed into lying to protect someone that they thought they loved but it was just control, nothing less, nothing more
He has always been controlling but his illness made it much worse.
Our father was prepared to destroy the family just to protect himself

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