This is not about my father but about my first wife.
Through a quirk of fate at work, I was sent on an audit, below my status as an audit manager and I met Samantha.
I was always very thorough in my work, didnt cut corners and did give Samantha who was the accountant a hard time.
Once the audit was complete, I asked her out because she had lovely legs. We fell in love and, to cut a long story short, ended up sort of living together from time to time. Eventually, I asked her to marry me.
I suppose that I was a good catch, not from what I had done but the fact that my father was successful and wealthy.
We started off in a rented flat because the house that we were going to buy fell through but then she found 16, The Beeches in Fetcham. We looked at it and it had a lot of potential. It was marked down because the house had been a repossession and all of the services, lights, heating, water had all been condemned.
It was way out of my league in terms of a mortgage so I approached my father if he would loan the balance over the mortgage. As it was a repossession, it was tender offers and once Dad had agreed to part finance the house, we put in our sealed bid.
In the end, we were up against someone who was relocating to work for Shell, just outside of Ashtead. The sealed bids were so close that the bank rejected both of them and asked us to resubmit new bids; clearly the bank wanted to recover as much as possible.
Being a conservative person, I was reticent to not only expose me to a higher mortgage but to ask Dad for a bigger loan but Sam pushed and pushed and I finally agreed to put in a larger offer after Dad had agreed to pick up the big difference in the form of an increased loan.
We went for it and secured the house, just; apparently, there was only about £2,000 between the two tenders.
The house was inhabitable so Sam and I rented a flat in Leatherhead. Such was the letting market at the time that flats would go in a matter of hours and as we were both working, I asked Dad if he would go to see it and if it was OK, to put down a deposit straightaway, which I paid him back of course.
Sam and I went through the house working in all of our spare time. I would do the physical stuff and the electrics and she would do the decoration; she was good at that.
The house was finally finished and we moved in. The honeymoon period, which lasted about three years but at the end of it, Sam became pregnant with Verity. I can still picture it; Sam and I sitting on the edge of the bath, staring at the pregnancy test strip that had showed positive in total silence; we really were stunned and did not know what to say. We were bringing a life into the world, Verity.
Everything seemed fine whilst Sam was pregnant and by this time, I had moved to Premium Credit. She used to get very tired and even after a long day at work, I would come home and cook the meal; she even worked in my department for a while as she was getting bored.
Then Verity was born. I have talked about this before but it is worthy of repeating. The labour was difficult and the mid wife was out of her league. I could see this and alarm bells started to ring and so I demanded a doctor or I would sue. Funnily enough, a doctor appeared, cut Sam and as it turned out, Verity had the chord wrapped around her neck. If I had not intervened, Verity would have probably died or would have been brain damaged.
Before Verity was born, I had all of the name books out, choosing names. I tried to get Sam interested but I could not and so I came up with the names Verity Jade. However, Sam insisted that the last name was Beatrice, apparently a female family name.
It was not until later that I discovered why Sam was so disinterested. She said that “I am not very maternal” so why have a baby if she was not maternal, as lovely as my baby was?
I think that it was about ownership. If she had a baby, she could own me and if we broke up, she could take me for every penny, which she did; she made me homeless.
After a couple of days, we were all at our home but then Sam became very ill. The ambulance rushed to the hospital with me following and in a state and on the phone to my parents; I really thought that Sam was going to die.
Sam went straight into the operating theatre and it turned out that she still had some placenta left inside her and it was causing sepsis, a condition that can easily be fatal as my aunt died from it.
Verity had gone in the ambulance with Sam and was by her bed side with her. How she was supposed to recover from her sepsis and look after Verity was anyone’s guess, so I took the decision to not leave her side, to feed and change Verity so that Sam could get the rest she needed and convinced the staff to let me sleep on the floor in Sam’s room so that I could attend to Verity; this was on my birthday but the thought had never occurred to me at the time as I only had two people on my mind; the two people that I loved dearly.
Those times were actually very special to me. At night, the ward was dead quiet, Sam was still recovering and fast asleep and it was just Verity and I. To save hassling the nurses every time that I needed something, they showed me where everything was so there was Verity and I, with her in my arms, feeding her with the tiniest milk bottle that you have ever seen with her looking up at me as I fed her. They were very special moments that will never fade.
Things returned to normal married life, whatever that was. I continued to work long hours to provide for my family but Sam just wanted more.
She kept on phoning me up in the early evening wanting me home but with an important job, comes responsibilities. Even when I got home, Verity was asleep and she was in front of the television. Even after a long day, I would cook supper, prepare the bottles for the night feeds and get up in the middle of the night, sometimes many times, to feed and change Verity but I never complained or asked Sam to give me a night off so that I could get a full night’s sleep; I just kept going. Even to this day, I do not know where I got the energy from.
Sam was getting bored but I would have thought that having a beautiful daughter and a beautiful house was enough for her.
There were only 3 of us in a big four bedroomed house when she announced that she wanted a conservatory. We argued and argued and then she said she had some money maturing, money that she had not talked to me about before so that was it; she got her way.
I love cufflinks and wanted to treat myself to aa cufflink box; it was £50 and I have it to this day but she said that I was just wasting money so more arguments.
It occurs to me now that all she wanted to do was to have her cake and eat it. If something was not important to her, we were not going to buy it but if she wanted it, nothing was going to get in her way. It was all about control.
I had a strong personality and stood up to her; she did not like that and quickly, cracks started appearing. To cut a long story short, she then set her eyes on my best friend (at the time) and visa versa.
He was smitten with her and would have done whatever she wanted; that was clear. They contrived on a joint holiday to Italy to get rid of me; I could hear them late at night whispering downstairs as I was looking after Verity every day and it was tiring. So, even on my holiday, I was doing everything that I did at home.
She wanted him and he wanted her as she knew that she could control him.
Not long after we had returned, I was ambushed, thrown out of my own house, a so called trial separation ensued, immediately followed by a divorce. I wanted joint custody, she refused point blank but still wanted all of the maintenance money that even Verity said later, was misused.
She is very much like my father. She wants it all her own way, wants to control everything and just loves money and the luxury that it brings.