When sorry is never really meant

I am sure that if the situation with Verity ever gets sorted, all she will say to me is that “she is sorry”. But young people just say sorry to get out of a pickle but they do not really meant it.

Just watched another excellent double episode of the Guardian.

This time, it involved the law firm boss and his foster daughter, who wanted to become a model. Her real father, who is also on the scene, got his daughter into seedy photos and then child porn; it escalates into her disappearing and being drugged working for a porn factory. This is not just drama; sadly this stuff does happen a lot.

When the foster daughter was interviewed, she lied about everything to the Police saying that she did not remember anything but she later confessed to her foster father that she remembered everything.

She had run away from her foster father because she was angry with him but her lies just got out of hand.

It is so similar to my situation. If Verity had been happy with me, she would not have said those horrible things about me. She was angry, for whatever reason and even before I was arrested, had effectively run away.

Her lie escalated, causing my life to break apart, which has been detailed so many times on this blog.

Yes, I have some causes that I am passionate about . It is ironic that I would not be so driven about these  causes if what actually happened had never happened to me.

But there are two reasons why I write this blog.

One, is to act as a pressure valve, as what happened to me was so bloody unfair. I had done everything that I possibly could for my daughter but it was all thrown back in my face.

The second is simple. I want Verity to try and understand the ramifications of her needless actions, for her to grow up and to start to make amends.

If her reappearance ever happened, I do not know how I would react when she knocked on my door. A lot of healing would have to take place for BOTH of us, but what frustrates me the most is just not knowing

Not only that but I would need to try and understand why Verity did what she did; that is probably far more important than the healing bit and to sit down and just talk.

It is so very easy to be angry and I have gone through the complete range of emotions, from disappointment to anger to hate and then back again; now I am just numb

There is no book on how to be a good parent and you have to learn as you go along and, if you make a mistake, you change your behaviour. Liesel taught me that, as she was so experienced in her field.

But that is impossible if you do not know what you did wrong in the first place, if anything, when your only daughter, the most precious life in my world, will not even speak to you. 

I remember vividly when Verity had been naughty and Liesel sent her to the naughty step for her to think about what she had done wrong.

She was then called back in and not only asked to say sorry but to explain to us why she had been naughty; he never did what she did wrong again.

It is easy to just punish for bad behaviour but that is no good as the naughtiness will just happen again and again. But, by getting Verity to explain why she thought she had been naughty was a very productive exercise for all three of us.

 

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